Redirecting Feminine Ire

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  (Ephesians 5:25)

Men's Network has a short post on how to stop your wife from nagging—listen to her.  It's common sense stuff, really.  Here are the money points:

Listening involves a few easy steps:

1.  Look at her.  Maintain eye contact.  Let nothing distract you.  I repeat: let nothing distract you.
2.  Do not judge, dismiss, belittle.  Let her speak and finish what she has to say.
3.  Restate what she says or asks.  Be clear on what is being said or requested.
4.  Follow through with what you said you would do.

Many men will look at this and walk off in a huff like Naaman, when Elisha told him to wash seven times in the Jordan River (2 Kings 5:11-12).  He was willing to do something great for healing, but not what required humility.  Thankfully, his servants recognized this and convinced him to submit in this matter (2 Kings 5:13).

My opening verse is one example that Paul gives of what it means to submit to one another.  Men submit to their wives by setting aside self-gratifying or self-promoting solutions so that her emotional and spiritual needs are met.   It's a tough job, but the Lord has equipped men for that task, whether or not they realize it.

Rely on Christ's Perfect Submission

There are some implications to this submission.  By placing ourselves underneath the authority and rule of God, this also means that you and I are to be a servant of all!  In submission to God we are to live in humility, humility that demands that we place ourselves in service to those around us.  In humility we are to serve our friends, fellow employees at work, our family and stranger with all that we have.  This is especially true in how we speak of others.  We are called to put the best construction on others for when we speak evil of another person we are showing a lack of love and a lack of humility.  When we speak evil of another, this is portraying an attitude that says that we are equal to God’s position of authority.

So, my friends, how are you doing with this?  How are you doing at submitting to God, walking in humility, and denying yourself?  Are you 50% there, maybe 60% there?  Also, how has your consistency been?  Keep in mind that James calls for complete submission.  He is not watering this submission idea down.  There is no room for mediocrity.  So how are you doing?… Therefore, hear the Gospel.  You and I who … fail to submit to God have been forgiven by the Christ, who submitted perfectly to the Father on our behalf.  You and I are forgiven by a Savior who submitted Himself to the penalty of sin which is death on a cross.

Matt Richard, Sermon on James 4:7-5:6

Being Subordinate

Subordination gets a bad reputation because people imply the meaning of submission with someone else exercising authority over me.  Western civilization bristles at this notion because it appears to run counter to a decidedly egalitarian philosophy.  In actuality, subordination is necessary for any civil society.  Its basis is understanding and practicing the particular role I have in order to benefit others.  We see this in everyday life: goods and services are bought and sold; laws are enacted and enforced; knowledge is transferred from instructor to student, etc.  We place ourselves in a position so that needs are met, whether yours or mine or both.  The apostle Paul explains the importance of this concept nicely in Ephesians 5:18-21.

Be filled with the Spirit
He begins by commanding believers to be filled with the Holy Spirit.  This is an odd request since the verb is passive.  The requirement is only to receive, but how is that done?  Backing up just a bit in chapter 5 we see:

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds.… Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.… Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  (4:17; 5:1-2, 15-16)

And all this is lived out based on what has been given us freely in the Beloved upon our belief and confession of Christ (chapters 1-3).

Manifestation of filling
What are the manifestations of the Spirit-filled life?  The apostle mentions four characteristics common to every assembly:

Addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,

Singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart,

Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Be Subordinate
All these are important, but the last Paul expands by giving practical application in the family setting (5:22-6:9).  All of these were common as families and communities turned to Christ from their false idols.

Wives

submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands

love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children

obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Fathers

do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Slaves

obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.

Masters

do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

The emphasis here is to fulfill your place in the family in a godly way regardless of which role you are playing in the immediate relationship addressed.  Being mutually subordinate in this way edifies the body of Christ and serves as a powerful witness of Christ's redemptive work.