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| Thanks to Larry Peters. |
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Saturday, December 29, 2012
A Humorous Look at Church Nerds
Sam Schuldheisz has a fun post at Steadfast Lutherans entitled You Might Be A Lutheran Nerd If… I relate to these:
- 10. You’ve ever eaten like a hobbit at a church pot luck.
- 11. You mistook the 11:00 service for elevensies and brought enough to share.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Truth in Satire
Glenn Chatfield regularly shares on heretical and apostate teaching identified from other Christian sites. Today, his post includes two satirical pieces.
The first comes from Mormon Coffee, which has a theoretical interview on Judgment Day between Joseph Smith and Jesus concerning one of Smith's doctrinal inconsistencies.
The other comes from Aspiring Ministries and is entitled The New Evangelical Christian Creed. Sadly, what it describes is altogether too true.
The first comes from Mormon Coffee, which has a theoretical interview on Judgment Day between Joseph Smith and Jesus concerning one of Smith's doctrinal inconsistencies.
The other comes from Aspiring Ministries and is entitled The New Evangelical Christian Creed. Sadly, what it describes is altogether too true.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Catfight!
What happens when you enter a room designed and built for a prima donna? You are expected to focus your attention on her alone. Now what if there were several such women present at one time?
Arnobius paints a scenario using the five known goddesses named Minerva as an unsuspecting worshiper enters.
Grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show.
For suppose that it had occurred to us, moved either by suitable influence or violent fear of you, to worship Minerva, for example, with the rights you deem sacred, and the usual ceremony: if, when we prepare sacrifices, and approach to make the offerings appointed for her on the flaming altars, all the Minervas shall fly thither, and striving for the right to that name, each demand that the offerings prepared be given to herself; what drawn-out animal shall we place among them, or to whom shall we direct the duties of pious service?
For the first one of whom we spoke will perhaps say: “The name Minerva is mine, mine the divine majesty, who bore Apollo and Diana, and by the fruit of my womb enriched heaven with deities, and multiplied the number of the gods.”
“Nay, Minerva,” the fifth will say, “are you speaking, who, being a wife, and so often a mother, have lost the sanctity of spotless purity? Do you not see that in all temples the images of Minervas are those of virgins, and that all artists refrain from giving to them the figures of matrons? Cease, therefore, to appropriate to yourself a name not rightfully yours. For that I am Minerva, begotten of father Pallas, the whole band of poets bear witness, who call me Pallas, the surname being derived from my father.”
The second will cry on hearing this: “What say you? Do you, then, bear the name of Minerva, an impudent parricide, and one defiled by the pollution of lewd lust, who, decking yourself with rouge and a harlot’s arts, roused upon yourself even your father’s passions, full of maddening desires? Go further, then, seek for yourself another name; for this belongs to me, whom the Nile, greatest of rivers, begot from among his flowing waters, and brought to a maiden’s estate from the condensing of moisture. But if you inquire into the credibility of the matter, I too will bring as witnesses the Egyptians, in whose language I am called Neith, as Plato’s Timaeus attests.”
What, then, do we suppose will be the result? Will she indeed cease to say that she is Minerva, who is named Coryphasia, either to mark her mother, or because she sprung forth from the top of Jove’s head, bearing a shield, and girt with the terror of arms? Or are we to suppose that she who is third will quietly surrender the name? and not argue and resist the assumption of the first two with such words as these: “Do you thus dare to assume the honor of my name, O Sais, sprung from the mud and eddies of a stream, and formed in miry places? Or do you [turning to the fourth Minerva] usurp another's rank, who falsely say that you were born a goddess from the head of Jupiter, and persuade very silly men that you are reason? Does he conceive and bring forth children from his head? That the arms you bear might be forged and formed, was there even in the hollow of his head a smith’s workshop? Were there anvils, hammers, furnaces, bellows, coals, and pincers? Or if, as you maintain, it is true that you are reason, cease to claim for yourself the name which is mine; for reason, of which you speak, is not a certain form of deity, but the understanding of difficult questions.”
If, then, as we have said, five Minervas should meet us when we approach to sacrifice, and contending as to whose this name is, each demand that either clouds of incense be offered to her, or sacrificial wines poured out from golden cups; by what arbiter, by what judge, shall we dispose of so great a dispute? Or what examiner will there be, what umpire of so great boldness as to attempt, with such personages, either to give a just decision, or to declare their causes not founded on right? Will he not rather go home, and, keeping himself apart from such matters, think it safer to have nothing to do with them, lest he should either make enemies of the rest, by giving to one what belongs to all, or be charged with folly for yielding [as you do] to all what should be the property of one?
Arnobius paints a scenario using the five known goddesses named Minerva as an unsuspecting worshiper enters.
Grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show.
For suppose that it had occurred to us, moved either by suitable influence or violent fear of you, to worship Minerva, for example, with the rights you deem sacred, and the usual ceremony: if, when we prepare sacrifices, and approach to make the offerings appointed for her on the flaming altars, all the Minervas shall fly thither, and striving for the right to that name, each demand that the offerings prepared be given to herself; what drawn-out animal shall we place among them, or to whom shall we direct the duties of pious service?
For the first one of whom we spoke will perhaps say: “The name Minerva is mine, mine the divine majesty, who bore Apollo and Diana, and by the fruit of my womb enriched heaven with deities, and multiplied the number of the gods.”
“Nay, Minerva,” the fifth will say, “are you speaking, who, being a wife, and so often a mother, have lost the sanctity of spotless purity? Do you not see that in all temples the images of Minervas are those of virgins, and that all artists refrain from giving to them the figures of matrons? Cease, therefore, to appropriate to yourself a name not rightfully yours. For that I am Minerva, begotten of father Pallas, the whole band of poets bear witness, who call me Pallas, the surname being derived from my father.”
The second will cry on hearing this: “What say you? Do you, then, bear the name of Minerva, an impudent parricide, and one defiled by the pollution of lewd lust, who, decking yourself with rouge and a harlot’s arts, roused upon yourself even your father’s passions, full of maddening desires? Go further, then, seek for yourself another name; for this belongs to me, whom the Nile, greatest of rivers, begot from among his flowing waters, and brought to a maiden’s estate from the condensing of moisture. But if you inquire into the credibility of the matter, I too will bring as witnesses the Egyptians, in whose language I am called Neith, as Plato’s Timaeus attests.”
What, then, do we suppose will be the result? Will she indeed cease to say that she is Minerva, who is named Coryphasia, either to mark her mother, or because she sprung forth from the top of Jove’s head, bearing a shield, and girt with the terror of arms? Or are we to suppose that she who is third will quietly surrender the name? and not argue and resist the assumption of the first two with such words as these: “Do you thus dare to assume the honor of my name, O Sais, sprung from the mud and eddies of a stream, and formed in miry places? Or do you [turning to the fourth Minerva] usurp another's rank, who falsely say that you were born a goddess from the head of Jupiter, and persuade very silly men that you are reason? Does he conceive and bring forth children from his head? That the arms you bear might be forged and formed, was there even in the hollow of his head a smith’s workshop? Were there anvils, hammers, furnaces, bellows, coals, and pincers? Or if, as you maintain, it is true that you are reason, cease to claim for yourself the name which is mine; for reason, of which you speak, is not a certain form of deity, but the understanding of difficult questions.”
If, then, as we have said, five Minervas should meet us when we approach to sacrifice, and contending as to whose this name is, each demand that either clouds of incense be offered to her, or sacrificial wines poured out from golden cups; by what arbiter, by what judge, shall we dispose of so great a dispute? Or what examiner will there be, what umpire of so great boldness as to attempt, with such personages, either to give a just decision, or to declare their causes not founded on right? Will he not rather go home, and, keeping himself apart from such matters, think it safer to have nothing to do with them, lest he should either make enemies of the rest, by giving to one what belongs to all, or be charged with folly for yielding [as you do] to all what should be the property of one?
Arnobius of Sicca, The Case against the Pagans, Book IV, cap. 16
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Latest from Church Growth Solutions
I always knew there was less expensive solution to increased numbers. Who says you need a bigger building?
Friday, December 17, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
SBL Greek New Testament "Commercial"
The Society of Biblical Literature has published Greek New Testament edited by Michael W. Holmes of Bethel University; available both as a download for Logos software and in print. I do not know enough of the textual critical fine points to determine how it compares with UBS4 or NA27, but those who have more education and experience seem to think it worthwhile. And if this work is as good as his The Apostolic Fathers: Greek Texts and English Translations, it should be excellent.
Enterprising soul and Bible College of Queensland instructor, Mike Bird, has used his talents to create this spoof commercial for the SBLGNT.
Enterprising soul and Bible College of Queensland instructor, Mike Bird, has used his talents to create this spoof commercial for the SBLGNT.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Explanation, Found It!
This was passed along to me by a friend. It is too good not to post.
I have often wondered why it is that the conservatives are called the “right” and the liberals are called the “left.” By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:
Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV)
The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.
Yep, that's it!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Dad Life
I hope you enjoy it like this dad did. As Norm Crosby used to say, "I resemble that remark."
Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
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